It is really important to pick the right guy in Boston. OK, so how many of you are laughing and thinking this is an obvious statement? But, so many times we tend to gravitate towards those qualities that may have a past history of not working out. If you are finding that person after person you are dating is not working out, it is time to examine and analyze what it is exactly, with you or them, that is causing the problem. And, for future selections, be attuned to it so you can make a different choice. It could be an interesting perspective to choose someone in Boston who may not be your type or embody everything you are looking for. It could work out. You won’t know until you try.

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But, through this process, it has dawned on me that I should look at the home buying process like finding a mate. You look at lots and lots of condos, similar to dating, and then you end up choosing one. The “one” may not have everything you wanted, but sometimes you have to compromise. It’s like relationships: you have to make compromises when buying a home. And, it can be scary, daunting, and exciting all at the same time. But, you also feel a tremendous sense of pride when you sign the paperwork and get those keys to your home. You’ll test it out a while, move furniture around at first, and then eventually settle in. I feel confident that now that I’ve committed to the home buying experience, I’m ready to commit to finding a man to share my home. I always thought I’d wait to buy a home once I found someone to share it, but I realized that was a silly romantic notion.

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Spot on, indeed. Actually, it applies to all sorts of social, business and power relations. I’m a judge, and I’ll tell you that my job is to BE the frame during litigation, impose myself as higher status than anybody in the room and, ultimately, decide (lead), even before highly trained lawyers, filthy-rich businessmen, politicians and the like. There’s a reason why we write and speak in extremely impartial, unafected, calm, precise and polite ways: to impose that kind of frame and give accountability to our rulings. Ultimately, if you digg the roots, that’s Law’s heritage from religious autorithie’s behaviour and religious custom, the oldest, most effective, developed, tried and tested ways of emotionally influencing human beings. There is nothing more high status and alpha. Think of how a judge, who has ultimate legal power over those before him, or the pope, jesus or god, based on their bible descriptions and religious positions, would think and act: not needing to impress or affect others – because the already have power, they can just take things in the way they want instead of influencing others in that direction -, leading, being calm, compassionate, reassuring, sure of themselves, etc. That seems to put me in the kind of frame the article describes, and works.

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How your relationship evolves can play a big role. For me, several years ago, a girl that I initially didn’t see myself with happened to date me at a time when I had little money. On our second date I had spent my last $40 to enter a club we didnt wind up enjoying, and on the way back I told her, “I understand if you never see me again, but can you pay for this cab?” We wound up together for a long time and care about each other to this day. From that, and my friends’ experiences I learned that — until you go through things with someone and see how you both handle the challenges — you won’t really know if they’re the one to marry.

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Ladies and gentleman, something monumental is currently happening in my life. I am buying my first home! And I’m scared out of my whits! You see, I’m a bit of a commitment “phobe.” I’ve always liked the idea of renting an apartment because it gave me an option of “opting out” whenever I needed one. For example, I could pick up and move whenever I wanted, which is what I did, as I moved from Boston to New Jersey to Washington DC to Boston all within five years. But, I’ve been in Boston for ten years now and because the economy is ripe for home buying, I thought it was time to take the plunge.

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